As a single mom — whether you got here by choice or by circumstance — “starting over” sounds noble in theory. In practice? Not so much.

You're not just tired; you're operating at a level of exhaustion that should honestly qualify as a competitive sport.

But here’s the truth: you can start over. Not because you have endless energy or the perfect support system, but because you’ve already survived things that most people couldn’t handle with a full night’s sleep.

This isn’t a guide for the mom with a color-coded planner and flawless morning routine. This is for the mom who reheats her coffee three times (or more), shows up messy but present, and still manages to love hard through the chaos.

Starting over might not be glamorous. But with the right mindset (and maybe a hidden chocolate stash), it’s absolutely possible.

Being a single parent is the hardest job in the world — and only other single parents really understand the weight of it. The bills, the food, the transportation, the cleaning... it’s all on you. And if you’re lucky, you’ve got a decent co-parent. But let’s be honest — how many of us actually have that?

You’re Not Failing — You’re Fried.

I became a single mom when I was two months pregnant with my second child. At the time, I was a stay-at-home mom to my three-year-old, just beginning to build a small online hustle to help ease the financial pressure on my partner.

Then came the separation — messy, painful, and full of the kinds of emotions you can’t plan for. Suddenly, I wasn’t just mentally and emotionally drained. Now I was solely responsible for two small lives.

If you’re in this space right now — in the trenches of a separation, unsure how you’re going to keep going — I see you. I was you. And I want to tell you something that someone once told me: it will get better. It may not ever be perfect, but it won’t always feel like this.

When everything feels like it’s crumbling — the life you once knew, the partnership you hoped would last — it’s okay to pause.

Just survive for now. You don’t have to rebuild everything at once.

Take time to heal. Take time to breathe. Find your footing again. Do what you need to do — for your children, yes — but also for you.

The First Few Weeks (or Months — However Long It Takes)

Let go of unrealistic expectations.

Nothing is going to run the same way it did before. And honestly? That’s okay.

If you’re in survival mode, it’s a win if the kids are fed and you managed to shower.

Didn’t get to the shower? That’s okay, too — there’s always tomorrow.

Right now, your world has shifted. Whether it was a sudden break or a slow unraveling, your kids feel it too. If they’re older than 18 months, they know. Even if they can’t explain it — they feel the change. And they might push back.

When my separation happened, I continued living with my ex-partner until our second son was born. A huge mistake — but I did it for our three-year-old, hoping to ease him into his new role as big brother before life changed even more.

But two months after the baby was born, we were told to leave. He barley had time to adjust to being a big brother.

We moved in with my mom, and our days became just survival — making sure everyone was fed, hugged, and heard.
Even 10 minutes of one-on-one time with my four-year-old felt like gold.

If your child is struggling with the transition, you’re not alone.

I wish I had gotten mine into counseling sooner — and I highly recommend seeking support for yourself and your kids if things feel stuck.

Eventually, the storm quiets. Tantrums and emotional outbursts start to fade. Not disappear, but fade — replaced by the “normal” ups and downs of growing children.

What the Bare Minimum Looks Like — And Why It’s Enough

If you’ve ever lived through the newborn days, you know what survival mode feels like. That’s where you are again — only now, you’re also navigating grief, fear, and a future that looks different than you imagined.

But hear this: doing the bare minimum is enough.

Because this won’t last forever.

You’ll adapt. You’ll learn. You’ll grow stronger than you ever thought possible.

So if that means skipping laundry to take your kids to the park — do it.

If that means letting the dishes sit so you can wind down with them after dinner — let them sit.

If your kids are bored? That’s okay! Boredom is where creativity begins — and it might give you a rare moment to breathe, read, or just drink your coffee while it’s still warm.

This season is hard, yes. But it’s also shaping something powerful in you.

And one day, your children will remember the love, not the mess.

How you showed up even when it was hard.

How you kept going, even when it felt impossible.

How you never backed down from the fight to keep them safe, steady, and loved.

Support

Being a single mom can feel like walking a tightrope while juggling flaming swords — love, exhaustion, and endless to-dos all rolled into one. While many people mean well, not all support is actually supportive. Here's a breakdown of what helps... and what really doesn’t.

Unhelpful Support

1. Giving Advice Without Listening

“You just need to be more organized.”

“You should sleep when the baby sleeps.”

These kinds of comments skip the most important step: listening. Advice without context often feels more like criticism than help.

2. Help with Strings Attached

“I’ll help… but only if you do things my way.”

“You can drop them off, but don’t make this a habit.”

Support isn’t really support if it comes with guilt, shame, or a hidden agenda.

3. Judging Behind the Curtain of 'Concern'

“Don’t your kids need a father figure?”

“I don’t know how you do it. I could never.”

These statements, even when well-meaning, highlight the struggle instead of offering relief. They isolate instead of uplift.

4. Minimizing Your Reality

“At least you get to stay home.”

“Some people have it worse.”

Pain and stress aren’t a competition. Single moms are allowed to feel tired, lonely, or overwhelmed — no qualifiers needed.

5. Comparing You to Others

“My mom did it with six kids and no help.”

“You’re lucky — I had it way worse.”

Comparisons aren’t supportive — they’re dismissive. Every story is different, and each one deserves compassion.

Helpful Support

1. Offer Real, No-Strings-Attached Help

“I’m headed to the store — need anything?”

“I made extra dinner. Want me to drop some off?”

Simple, practical kindness goes a long way — especially when it doesn’t require you to ask.

2. Be a Safe Space to Vent

“You’re doing an incredible job.”

“It’s okay to feel overwhelmed — I’m here if you want to talk.”

Validation helps lighten the emotional load more than any unsolicited fix ever could.

3. Respect Your Time and Capacity

“If you ever need help, let me know what works for you.”

“I’m around this weekend if you need a breather.”

Offer options, not pressure — your schedule is likely already maxed out.

4. Just Show Up

“Want company while the kids play?”

“No expectations — just here to hang out.”

Sometimes, presence is more powerful than problem-solving.

5. Affirm Without Glorifying the Struggle

“You shouldn’t have to do it all — but you’re handling it with so much love.”

“Your strength is inspiring, but you deserve rest, too.”

Single moms aren’t superheroes — they’re human. And they need support, not a pedestal.

Thoughts on Support

And here’s the thing: You deserve support that doesn’t leave you feeling smaller. And it can come in the form of family or friends. And sometimes all we need to do is ask. Those closest to us will never know if we need help unless we do the big thing and ask them for help.

You deserve to be surrounded by people who lift you up — not because they think you need fixing, but because they see your strength and want to help you breathe again.

If someone isn’t helping you breathe, it’s okay to set boundaries. It’s okay to outgrow relationships that drain instead of pour. The kind of support you accept matters — not just for your own healing, but for the kind of love your children learn to seek, too.

You’re not asking for too much. You’re just asking the wrong people.

Finding your new rhythm

When everything changes, your rhythm will too — and that’s not a failure, it’s an invitation. An invitation to rebuild something softer, something slower, something that actually fits the life you’re living now.

I saw a post recently on an Instagram page, that said “the one thing that isn’t allowed in my house anymore after my separation is an angry man”

Honey, that hit me so hard that day. I suddenly knew how grateful I was to live life on my terms once again. To do what I want, decorate how I want, cook what I want, you name it!

You don’t have to replicate the old routine — you’re not that person anymore. And that’s okay. Start small. Think less "getting everything done" and more "what helps us feel grounded today?"

Include anchors in your day.

An anchor is a small, intentional moment you create in your day to help you feel grounded, calm, and connected — especially when everything feels chaotic. Think of it like a steadying force in the midst of your busy or emotional moments.

It can be as simple as always having breakfast together at the table, or reading a book before bed. It’s just something you do in your day every day to help you and your children feel loved, on track, and stable.

I can share my anchors with you to give you a better idea!

Morning:

Taking time to sip my coffee while it’s hot in the morning, even if it’s only a minute or two.
Practicing gratitude
Eating a good breakfast together

Meal Time:

I make it a point to make one meal feel more like connection rather than struggle and stress. Try to keep it the same meal each day. Your kids will pick up on it! Mine is lunch time.

Connection Anchor

I set a part of my day to connect with my children. 10 minutes, 30 minutes, whatever I can do! No phones, no distractions. Just intentional time to do what they want to do with me.

Evening Anchor

I wind down the way I need to. If it’s a beautiful day I’ll end my day outside playing with my kids or checking on the garden. If it’s not so nice I take our play inside. I usually focus this part of the day on my kids, to make sure they feel loved before bed.
After they’re in bed I work for a couple hours then do what I want for about an hour. Watch a show, read a book, grab a good snack. Wind down the way you want to!

Weekly Anchors

On top of daily anchors I also have weekly and monthly anchors, things like weekly cleaning, weekly movie night, and adventures I take my kids on. I also have a deal with my mom that every Saturday she babysits and I either go out by myself or I’ll take my 5 year old on a little mommy and me date.

These anchors will help you ease into your new life. And don’t worry if they change! The point is to be a rhythm, not a strict schedule. Let the seasons influence your routine!

Balancing Parenting and Working Without the Burnout (In My Own Way)

Before you read this section I have to admit I can’t say I’ve mastered this balance completely. But in my own way, I do my best to juggle work, school, and motherhood. I work a non-traditional job from home when I can, and I’m also enrolled in school part-time. It takes creativity, patience, and flexibility to manage these responsibilities while raising young children full time.

Let me walk you through what’s been working for me, and then I’ll share some ideas that might help you find your own rhythm.

Going back to school part-time means I take 2–3 online classes per semester. Choosing online courses gives me the flexibility to study and complete assignments when it works best for our family—no need for a babysitter or daycare.

As for work, I run this little blog and set aside about two hours a day to focus on it—usually at night once both kids are asleep.

Here’s what a typical weekday looks like for us with a 5-year-old getting ready to start kindergarten and a 1-year-old who still naps twice a day:

Wake – Baby’s First Nap (6–9am): Family Time

We start the day together. We eat breakfast, get dressed, feed the chickens, and water the garden. I usually take a quick shower while the baby sits safely in a high chair nearby and my 5-year-old plays independently.

Baby’s First Nap (9–10am): One-on-One with My Oldest

This hour is dedicated to my 5-year-old. He’s a sensitive soul, and when I can give him focused attention early in the day, the rest of our time together goes so much more smoothly.

10am–1pm: Errands, Outdoor Play, and Lunch

This block is flexible. We might run errands, stop by the library, or go on a little adventure. Sometimes I take this time to make phone calls or wrap up school tasks. We always fit in outdoor play and prepare lunch together before the baby’s second nap.

Baby’s Second Nap (1–2:30pm): Mom’s Quiet Time

This is my golden hour for studying, working, or deep cleaning. We’ve worked hard on quiet time with my 5-year-old, and some days it goes better than others. He’s usually great at playing independently—until I open my laptop, then he’s on my lap asking for “this” and “that”. Consistency and gentle boundaries are key here.

2:30pm–Kids’ Bedtime: Family Time

This is my favorite part of the day—playing outside, prepping dinner, connecting with the kids, and winding down for the night.

After Bedtime (8pm–10pm): Focused Work

Once the kids are asleep, I get to work. This quiet window helps me stay caught up without needing to sacrifice the time I want to spend with my kids during the day. It’s not always easy, but it’s worth it to avoid the traditional 9–5 and stay present for these early years.

Ending Notes on Anchors

I also give myself weekends off—no blogging or work on Saturdays and Sundays unless absolutely necessary. That time is sacred for rest and reset.

This routine isn’t perfect. Some days the baby only naps for 20 minutes, or needs a contact nap while I rock him and try to type with one hand. Some days I get nothing done.

But I’ve learned that the trick is in staying flexible. If something doesn’t get finished on Thursday, I’ll catch up on Saturday and start fresh on Monday.

Ideas You Can Adopt for Better Balance

If you're working a traditional 9–5, here are a few tips to help you get the most out of your family time:

Plan your meals weekly
Batch-cook or prep meals ahead of time
Use a crockpot or instant pot—it’s a lifesaver
Accept help from family or friends when it’s offered
Get creative with childcare swaps
Take care of yourself, too
Remind yourself daily: You’re doing your best—even on the hard days

One Day at a Time

Balancing parenting, homemaking, and work isn't about perfection—it’s about doing what you can, when you can.

I’ve found that staying grounded in a loose routine while leaving room for flexibility helps me show up as the kind of mom I want to be. Some days are full and productive, others are messy and slow. But if you keep showing up, keep trying, and keep loving your kids through it all, you’re doing enough.

Take it one day at a time—and give yourself grace along the way.

Emotional Recovery: The Not-So-Linear Road Back to Yourself

Starting over as a single mom isn’t just about finding a new routine—it’s about piecing yourself back together while little hands tug at your shirt asking for snacks. Emotional recovery isn’t some magical finish line you cross once you’ve Marie Kondo’d your closet or stuck to your new budget for a week.

It’s messy, nonlinear, and full of moments where you cry in the car one minute and sing your heart out to your favorite song at red lights the next.

There’s grief, even if you chose this new path.

There’s guilt, even when you know you’re doing what’s best.

And sometimes there’s just exhaustion that no amount of coffee can fix.

But slowly—quietly—you begin to feel like you again. Not the same version as before, but someone wiser, softer in all the strong ways, and a little more sure of what truly matters.

Some days you’ll feel like Wonder Woman. Other days, you’ll feel like a sock with a hole in it—still doing your job, just a little worn out. Both versions of you deserve kindness, rest, and credit for not giving up.

So take your healing one moment at a time. Say yes to help. Say no when you need to. Let yourself feel it all. And remember: starting over doesn’t mean you’ve failed—it means you were brave enough to keep going.

Here are a few things I’ve learned (and am still learning) along the way:

You’re allowed to grieve the relationship and the life you thought you’d have. Even if it ended for good reasons, it’s okay to miss the dream. Let yourself feel sad without shame—it doesn’t mean you’d go back.
Anger, guilt, and loneliness will come in waves. Some days you’ll feel furious. Other days, just hollow. That’s part of the process, not a personal flaw. Talk it out. Write it down. Yell into a pillow if you have to. These feelings don’t last forever.
Healing isn’t linear. One day you’re on top of things, and the next you’re crying over spilled juice and a missed nap. That’s not backsliding—it’s being human. Self-compassion looks like saying, “Today was hard, and that’s okay. I still showed up.”
You’re not broken—you’re becoming. The version of you on the other side of this will carry deeper strength and quieter peace. Give her time to arrive.

Financial Reset: Stabilizing When Everything Feels Shaky

Money stress hits differently when you're the one keeping the lights on, the fridge full, and the shoes sized correctly every six months. (Seriously, how do their feet grow that fast?) Starting over as a single parent often means facing a financial reset, whether you planned for it or not.

You don’t have to become a financial wizard overnight—but you do need a plan. One that keeps food on the table, the kids clothed, and your stress levels somewhat in check. Here’s how I started stabilizing things without totally losing my mind:

Start with what you have. Look at your income, your bills, and what you spend in a week. It's not always pretty, but getting clear on your numbers gives you power. I like to call this step “facing the financial dragon”—intimidating, but oddly freeing once you look it in the eye.
Build a flexible budget you can live with. Keyword: flexible. Life with kids is unpredictable, so don’t set yourself up with a rigid plan that crumbles the first time someone needs new sneakers or a surprise copay. If you want a deeper dive into some awesome tricks for trick as a single mom on a budget (and keep it from falling apart by Thursday), check it out here!
Make peace with asking for help. This one took me a while. I used to think accepting help meant I wasn’t doing enough. Now I see it for what it is: community. Whether it’s government assistance, WIC, a food pantry, or your cousin dropping off a hand-me-down box of clothes—take the help. Your pride is not more important than your peace.
Pssst! If you're in that season of stretching every dollar, I shared some practical ways I save money at the grocery store in this post.
Resources aren’t a weakness. They’re tools. Free preschool programs? Subsidized child care? Community utility grants? These things exist for a reason—and that reason isn’t because you “failed.” It’s because raising tiny humans is expensive, and no one should have to do it alone.
Make small wins your goal. One paid-off bill. One stocked freezer. One week you don’t touch the credit card. Celebrate that. These small financial wins build real momentum—and confidence.

Remember, a financial reset isn’t about perfection—it’s about progress. Give yourself grace and keep going. The goal isn’t to get rich quick; it’s to get steady, one bill and one brave decision at a time.

Redefining Your Identity: You’re Not Just a Mom

The “just a mom” label?

It’s outdated and misleading.

When we start over as single moms, we often feel like we’re drowning in just mom duties—laundry, endless snack requests, and the occasional meltdown that’s not even yours.

Honey, you’re not just a mom. You’re a whole person, with dreams, passions, and a deep desire for more than just surviving the day-to-day.

It's easy to lose yourself in the whirlwind of raising tiny humans, but it's important to remember: You were you before they arrived, and that version of you still exists.

She’s still there, waiting to be rediscovered. So, let's talk about how to find her again, even amidst the chaos:

You’re more than the title “mom.” While it’s true that being a mom is one of the most important roles you’ll ever have, it doesn’t define all of who you are. Think about your hobbies, your quirks, the things that make you feel alive and energized. Whether it’s painting, running, reading, or binge-watching a true crime doc (guilty!), give yourself permission to be those things again. Don’t lose touch with the parts of you that make you feel like you.
Find joy in the small wins. Maybe your “win” today was surviving a tantrum without losing your cool or actually finishing a cup of coffee before it went cold (a miracle!). Celebrate that. These small victories build up over time, and they remind you that you’ve still got it. No win is too small to count.
Hobbies: Start with the ones that won’t require a trip to the ER. After starting over, it can feel like you’re just too busy for things like painting or reading for fun, but that’s often when you need them the most. Whether it’s journaling, crafting, or starting that hobby you’ve been putting off—find pockets of time for it. Even 10 minutes here and there adds up. You deserve to reconnect with your passions, even if it’s only for a little bit each day.
Let go of outside judgment. This one took me a while, honestly. But here’s the thing: Nobody else’s opinion matters when it comes to your parenting style. If your kids are loved, fed, and safe, you’re already winning. Every mom has their own way of doing things, and none of them are wrong. Stop looking for permission to parent your own way. You’re the expert when it comes to your kids—and you’ve got this.

Hope for the Future: Reimagining, Not Resetting

Starting over doesn’t mean hitting the reset button and erasing everything that came before. If anything, it means taking all those experiences—good, bad, and everything in between—and reimagining what the next chapter could look like. Sure, it’s easy to feel like everything’s been turned upside down, but remember: You are still you. And that means you still have the power to build the life you want, even if it’s different from what you expected.

Think of this as a reimagining of your life, not a complete reset. Starting over doesn’t erase the past, but it gives you the opportunity to take what you’ve learned and build something new—something that’s rooted in strength, hope, and a whole lot of grit.

Your story matters. Every moment that’s led you to this point has shaped you into someone with a resilience that others can learn from. Your strength isn’t something that appeared overnight; it’s been built, layer by layer, through tough moments and brave decisions. And now? It’s time to share that strength. Whether through your journey, your words, or simply by showing up every day, your story is a testament to what’s possible when we refuse to give up.

Strength isn’t always loud; it’s quiet persistence.

There’s power in the small steps you’re taking to move forward—even when they feel insignificant.

The nights you stay up working on your side hustle, the moments when you choose kindness over frustration, or the days you simply survive the chaos with your kids and a smile. All those quiet moments are just as powerful as the big wins. Strength isn’t about shouting from the rooftops; it’s about getting back up every time you fall—and you’re doing that every single day.

Create a vision for the life you want, not just the one you’re surviving.

It’s easy to get stuck in the day-to-day grind of just getting through the week. But what if we flipped the script? What if we focused on the vision we have for our future, not just surviving the present? Even if it feels a little out of reach, start dreaming about the life you want to build.

Picture it: your ideal day, your goals, your dream home, or the balance you want between work and family. Create that vision, even if it’s just a fuzzy outline to begin with. Start working towards it one step at a time.

This is your future, and the best is yet to come. You’re not just surviving—you’re creating.

And that’s a beautiful thing. If you need to dream a little bigger, or take some baby steps ‘towards that vision, you’ve already proven you have the strength to make it happen.

P.S.

I made this no-spend challenge for moms who are tired of stressing over every dollar. It’s free, simple, and full of heart — sign up here.

How to Start Over When You’re Exhausted - A Survival Guide for Single Moms