When I was younger, I used to imagine big family vacations every summer. Driving to San Diego for the weekend just because the weather was nice.

I used to dream of a home that wasn’t broken. A house with a big yard, close to everything we could ever need.

Now, I’m a single mom. Finding myself borrowing spare change from my son's piggy bank just to buy a package of wipes when I break from my budget.

How did I get here?

The Life I Dreamed Of

We all grow up with dreams—especially as kids—watching adults who seemed free to do whatever they pleased. Whether it was big houses, new cars, or spontaneous vacations, it all looked so easy.

Social media and modern entertainment certainly don’t help. They amplify this illusion that everyone else is living effortlessly and fully.

As a teen, I dreamt of having my own home in the city. I imagined a life where I was wealthy enough to do whatever I wanted. Later, I wanted to be a stay-at-home mom—creating a warm, stable home on a single income.

But life had other plans. Living on one income that barely covered the basics. I dare say our financial struggles are what did my relationship in, in the end. When money is tight, the cracks in a relationship can become canyons.

And so began the grief. Not just over the loss of a partner, but the loss of a life I never even had.

Grieving the Life That Wasn’t

There’s a unique kind of sadness that comes with mourning a future you thought you’d have. It’s not just disappointment. . . it’s grief. Grief for the version of you who believed things would turn out differently. Grief for your kids who may never know the version of life you once imagined for them.

But through that grief, I’ve learned something important: gratitude and grief can coexist. And learning to hold space for both has changed everything.

Shifting My Mindset

You don’t wake up one morning suddenly grateful for your struggles. It’s a choice—a muscle you build over time.

It takes time. It takes discipline. It takes questioning the story you tell yourself over and over until you start to believe a better one.

Even though my childhood dreams were big, I didn’t grow up with luxury. My family was middle class. My mom was a stay-at-home mom for most of my younger childhood, and we knew our struggles.

I already knew that creating a budget was important.

Working with what you had was a must.

And fixing what was broken was second nature.

But when I realized my thoughts needed to change, I went to work. When negative thoughts came up, I challenged them.

Reframing the Negative

Here are some thoughts I’ve had—and how I learned to turn them around:

Negative Thought: “I can’t afford anything I want.”
Reframe: “What simple pleasures do I already have that bring me joy?”

Negative Thought: “I feel like a failure.”
Reframe: “What am I doing right now that shows I’m trying, surviving, and growing?”

Negative Thought: “Other people have it so much easier.”
Reframe: “What strengths have I built because my life wasn’t easy?”

Negative Thought: “This isn’t the life I wanted.”
Reframe: “What parts of my life are still beautiful, even if they weren’t in the plan?”

It’s okay to feel the emotions. Let them pass through you. But if you ever want to move forward, you have to start viewing your life through a new lens.

It won’t be easy. It won’t be quick. But it will be worth it.

Budgeting: Facing Reality

Creating a budget isn’t just about numbers. It’s a mirror. It forces you to look at your life—not the dream version, but the real version.

You have to be honest:

About how much you make.
About how much you owe.
About what you want vs. what you actually need.

Your needs must be part of your budget—not just your bills, but your emotional and mental needs, too.

Pssst…

I went into detail about how I budget if you want to give it a quick read

Naming the grief:

Sometimes we don’t even realize we’re grieving.

There’s no funeral, no obituary, no single death date to point to. Sometimes it just sneaks up on you. There may not even be one defining moment when things came crashing down.

But grief finds a way to show up anyway.

In the envy that bubbles up when others seem to “have it all.”

In the deep sighs after another long, disappointing day.

In the quiet ache of “this isn’t how I thought it would be.”

That feeling is heavy. I know…trust me.

And until we name that grief, we can’t begin to heal it.

So name it. Let yourself feel it. Say it out loud or write it down.

What are you grieving?

Is it the life you thought you’d have?

The security you hoped for?

The version of yourself you thought you’d be by now?

Naming the grief gives it form.

And once it's out in the open, you can begin to release it—little by little.

What I’ve gained from the process

I’ve gained freedom.

The freedom to be content with the way life is.

The freedom to stay home with my kids guilt-free, knowing that my presence in their lives is worth more than any big house in the city.

I’ve gained creativity.

The creativity to have an amazing day at home without spending a dime.

Not because I can’t spend money, but because we’ve learned we don’t need it to have fun or feel connected.

I’ve gained control.

Control over my life—no matter how it turned out.

With a realistic budget that fits my lifestyle and income, I get to decide where every dollar goes.

I have the power to say no to the wants that don’t truly matter. And the clarity to say yes to what brings us health, peace, and joy.

Most of all, I’ve gained a dream.

A new kind of dream—not about status or stuff, but about stability, simplicity, and intention.

A dream that says: I can be content right here, right now—and still build something better for tomorrow. Because when you know where to put your money, and your energy, freedom starts to feel less like a fantasy, and more like a plan.

How To Cope With Emotions

Even with all the growth, the mindset shifts, and everything I’ve gained from these struggles—I still have hard days.

Incredibly hard days.

Days when my mind won’t slow down.

When I can’t focus.

When even playing with my kids feels like too much.

When the bills pile up.

When the to-do list feels endless.

When the loneliness is loud.

When I catch myself doom scrolling, comparing my life to someone else’s perfectly filtered one.

But here’s what I’ve learned:

That’s normal. That’s human. We’re not meant to be happy all the time. We’re meant to feel, to move through, to keep going.

Here’s how I cope when I’m stuck in my own head:

Step outside. Even a few minutes of fresh air can be free medicine for your soul.
Let the day pass. Some days aren’t meant to be fixed—just survived.
Do something fun, just for you. It doesn’t have to be productive. It just has to feel good.
Get yourself a treat. And if you can, take the kids too. You don’t need a reason.
Be kind to yourself. Say it out loud if you need to: It’s okay.

Because it is.

A New Kind of Dream

The childhood dreams I carried for so long—the big house, the effortless life, have been replaced with something much more grounded.

More meaningful.

I've been given a new kind of dream.

A dream where I understand my limits—and honor them. Where I look around at the life I’m building and feel proud because it’s mine.

Now picture this:

You, one year from now.

Budgeting—not because you have to, but because you want to. Because it brings peace instead of panic. Because it allows you to save, to plan, to breathe.

Imagine living a life you built with intention.

A life where you said, “This is what I have—and I’m going to make it work for me.” That may not have been the dream you started with.

But it can still be beautiful.

It can still be yours.

Final Thoughts

Letting go of the life you imagined takes courage. But learning to love the life you have—exactly as it is, that’s where real peace begins.

You’re allowed to grieve the dreams that didn’t come true. You’re allowed to feel the weight of what life looks like right now.

But you’re also allowed to rebuild. To hope again.

To create something grounded, intentional, and beautifully your own.

Hard days will still come. But so will days full of joy, laughter, and quiet moments where you realize:

This life, right here, is still worth showing up for.

You’re doing better than you think, and you’re not alone.

Ready for a Fresh Start?

If you’re looking for a fun and eye-opening way to challenge your budgeting habits, try a No-Spend Challenge. You may have heard of it—it’s exactly what it sounds like.

You commit to spending money only on essentials, and nothing else.

No extras. No impulse buys. Just a chance to pause, reset, and see what really matters.

It can last a weekend, a week, or even a month—whatever works for you.

And it’s one of the best tools I’ve found for building financial awareness and control.

To help you get started, I’ve created a FREE 5-Day No-Spend Boot Camp.

This short series will help you:

Set clear goals
Define your essentials
Avoid common traps
Stay motivated
And keep your momentum going even after the challenge ends

Sign up below to be shot into a whole new level of confidence with your money—you’ll be surprised what you learn about yourself in the process.

The Emotional Side of Budgeting: How to Let Go of the Life You Thought You’d Have